What is this overwhelming heaviness on my chest? Why won’t my mind lay to rest? Seconds are often too long. People talk, but I’m all alone. Why does everything feel so wrong?Am I a passerby? Do I have a place in this world? I clasp my hands and try to feel the breeze. I’m in … More Disorientated
My ephemeral memory takes you away and I remain here wanting to remember you. … More Give me something
As I learn to navigate roads that grow more familiar with each visit, I realize that I spent most of my life running away from the ugly truths shaping my reality. … More Hello to the world I left behind
I miss you a lot, and it hurts a lot more ’cause I’m missing someone I never got to know. All I can think of is how it ended up this way, and I can still hear you say, “I’m falling for you.” I wonder what these words meant to you cause my heart was skipping … More Jaded
“I thirst for love but I don’t know how to receive it. I play games to keep my heart safe. Sometimes, I believe I’m too weird to be wanted. Everything I do invites unwanted stares. I hold things in until my facade turns to rubble ‘cause I’m afraid they’ll get bored of my troubles. I … More On receiving love
Sitting amidst the chaos, estranged from reality, holding onto fragments of hope and snippets of memories that belong in the past. I was hoping that things might turn out better than expected, but as the night passed by, it brought in clarity; hurtful realizations I needed to release myself from a moment of stagnation. A … More Then came clarity
When the weather was most turbulent, I began to sink into my own thoughts. Perhaps, it was speaking to me, angered by my lack of self-care. After all, I’ve been distracting myself by stacking up my schedule with activities beyond my human capacity. I’ve always been uncomfortable with solitude and slow movement, but yesterday I … More Slowing down
Food has always consumed me. When I’m eating, I’m thinking about not eating. When I’m not eating, I’m thinking about eating. Now that my body has to deal with it, my life is growing a little more difficult. Recent health implications scared me into trying to gain weight, and over the past three weeks it … More The horrors of recovery
How does the spark die out so quickly when it was ignited not long ago? How does the rain come falling down in the midst of the heat? I still wonder how we’re not the same. It’s weird. I care and express passion. I look and I search until I’m burned out. Then, the sun … More An old fire
I’m not sure what kind of person I am and a part of me is not willing to find out. An antagonizing fear drips through my smiles. Is it my own fears dictating this feeling or is there actual reasoning behind this? Why does my mind wander way past my reach? I once stood alone … More Adrift
I’m hiding from the sun behind curtains that barely hold back the light as both of my worlds continue to collapse before me, but with everything going on all I can think about is “I don’t know how I feel about this anymore.” The best thing I’ve learned is that everything we do is a … More Choices
I spend most of my life waiting. Mainly, for myself to get things right. The silence of waiting bypassed any feeling of comfort life can offer. I sit with not much going on. People walk. Their shadows hover over me. Their voices disturb the storm that’s brewing inside. I can’t grasp reality. My curiosity is … More Waiting on me
On and off is a routine because when it hits it hits hard. Every high got me fooled and every low comes as a surprise. Who knew I wouldn’t know how to escape my own lies. Not witty enough to predict my own ways, or smart enough to hear my own cries. I’ve given up … More Volatile
I don’t know why I’m in a rush to be someone else. I’m too afraid to be myself or let myself be me, and I’m almost envious of who I used to be. I’m caught up in a hurricane. All I do is lay down as time passes by and the stress builds up. I wish … More Deterioration
I’ve been holding myself back since September 30. I tell myself writing is my only savior. Without it, the air is polluted and my lungs are restricted to my thoughts. I can’t breathe without coughing up blood. Yet, I find myself running away from it at times. I don’t know why I’d let a day … More Running Away From Words
There’s a comfort in confinement that I can’t find here. The clock is ticking and my heart is beating slow. I can’t fathom the pain of its slow beats. I’m failing to focus as my mind blurs out the voices. I’m always trying to catch up with sounds I can’t make sense of. I’m always … More Confined in Crowds
My relationship with agomelatine: an unhappy marriage with its occasional highs. For this reason, I want to shed light on what it’s like to be on and off my pills. Irrationality and Impulsiveness – Being less anxious, it’s easy to walk into a crowd of people, raise my voice in a group meeting or even … More Agomelatine: A Love-Hate Relationship
Do you ever feel like you’re on a verge of a mental breakdown? Out of nowhere, the symptoms kick in. My blood sugar suddenly dropped but I already took my pill. I didn’t skip any meals today. My heart is racing out of the blue yet it feels likes it’s not beating at all. My … More Unknown Symptoms
My heart is not enough to live, my lungs aren’t enough to breathe and my chest is heavy because the air is feeling blue. The child inside of me broke through my bones and now the emptiness burns a hole through my throat. A bullet is not enough to break through my soul. It takes nothing to kill … More It takes nothing to kill me
I am a lover. I am a fighter. I am a daughter and a son. I’m here but my heart lies elsewhere. I’m a ghost. I’m the air between your fingers. I’m the breeze against your neck. I’m around when I’m not. I see with my eyes shut. I listen to silence. You’ll find my … More Who am I?
There’s something beautiful and equally terrifying about being in love with your thoughts. I like to lose myself in my thoughts, pretending I’m not one but a hundred people. We’re all very different but we’re stuck in one body. One body and one mind. A mind that has a job of many. A mind that’s on the … More They they they
My long drives, my happiest days and my nights in complete sorrow are often spent in silence. I’ve always romanticized the idea of listening to music in order to heighten my emotions or externalize them but that’s as effective as trying to push a wall through a mountain. Music, as beautiful as it is, has … More Music drains me
I’ve been stumbling upon many articles about the first female this-and-that lately. For the past 2 years or so, we’ve had first female pilots, CEOs, and ministers. It brings me a feeling of contentment that fails to last because my eyes refuse to be blinded by what is being done for publicity. Nothing changed in … More The burdens of her
I’m lost. I don’t know where I stand with myself and I have no one to guide me — not that I ever thought I will but it still hurts to be neglected by those who should care for you the most. It’s all too much. The negativity is suffocating me. These people I surround … More A 2013 thought: Voices Lead You Nowhere
“Still waters run deep” is my favorite phrase since I was 16. I spent the past 6 years honoring the first page of my journals with the words of this Latin proverb and wondering which part of my body I should tattoo it on. Still waters run deep: “a quiet or placid manner may conceal a … More Still waters run deep
ALYAZYA 