I’m not sure what kind of person I am and a part of me is not willing to find out. An antagonizing fear drips through my smiles. Is it my own fears dictating this feeling or is there actual reasoning behind this?

Why does my mind wander way past my reach? I once stood alone by the edge of the water hoping the wind would sway me in the right direction, but my feet were far too rooted in the sand. This is how I’ve been feeling every day. I don’t understand what goes on in my mind and I can’t explain what happened to me, but I’m tired of talking to people when I barely know myself.

It used to be the case that someone else’s feelings would become part of who I am but it reached a new extreme. My heart is constantly shape-shifting to fit that of the one before me.

It hurts me that my eyes lie every time I look at them. They can’t even speak the truth when I’m all alone. Sometimes I look for someone to talk to but I can’t even find a person in me.


Love,  Alyazya

41 thoughts on “Adrift

  1. You sound to me, and have always illustrated, like you’re very empathetic. It makes me wonder what sign you were born under and what your rising sign was (not that I know a whole lot about astrology, but I wonder all the same).

    Not that it dictates a lot in our lives. I really think your intellect and empathy in your relationships with others conflict sometimes. I believe that if you analyzed less about your feelings (because you can’t change emotions or the inner emotional response we get from other people), that peace would find you.

    Of course, it’s easy looking from the outside in lol…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly. You ignore your own feelings and take on or take into account others’ feelings. I understand being an empath myself. Typical Pisces! lol ….This is how I see you from your blog writings anyway…. I could be wrong.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You are not FINDING a person in you
    Because you tend to absorb everything around you
    This is however a beautiful gift that one just needs to learn how to control
    You are one to go to for affection and sympathy
    This tells me that you are a wonderful person inside just looking to
    Put together the different pieces that have fallen apart as you have
    Given yourself to others

    If you enjoy photography or art find or create a picture that defines what an extraordinary day will look like for you
    If you enjoy music create a song that will help find the connection that you have lost within yourself
    If you enjoy animals or nature go outside on a walk and connect with the small things that are here for you today
    Once you have done that you should feel some sort of accomplishment, continue to go on different small adventures that will guide in your DISCOVERY

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I will say that i used to be like this, there are days still where it gets the better of me. The trick is to know that feeling one way is better than feeling another. It took a good 5 years of my life.

    I’m better for it in the long run. I managed to find nyself through it and there were many days that i just wanted to be gone from the world. I only wish to live now, to love. We are all together in this world, you are not alone.

    I would ask if you’ve tried meditation at all? If you manage to get out to surround yourself in nature at all? It is helpful if you haven’t. You seem like your mind is sporadic. Meditation allows you to focus.

    Don’t worry that you haven’t found yourself yet, that just means you have many qualities you pocess and you are gifted.

    It is only for yourself to find no-one else can tell you that.

    Besides it is the path there that is the greatest journey, Love the journey you are on sister. Rejoice in knowing you only wish to be the best you, you can be.

    Peace and love ☺

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing that with me! I’m glad you found your peace.

      I have actually. Physically, it was rewarding but it didn’t help me past that. Once I have enough time to do more of what I love, I’m sure my mind and heart will calm down.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. None of us know who we are. Some think that they do. I believe that is why we must keep seeking. You are blessed to ask these questions of yourself. For myself, I’m stuck. But even that is a path. Find your advantage and use it as a steppingstone across treacherous ground. It might be that you have looked yourself in the eyes.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I think I find myself, and then she slips away again. As years pass, I’ve been able to hold onto pieces of me, yet there are parts missing. Still I search…and is this not the essence of being? You have such a gift for capturing these moments.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Everyone goes through a phase when they don’t know what they are doing but eventually we find our paths and even am searching for a path. I hope you find yours


  7. This is written perfectly. You have true talent and I am like you, I express my emotions through words and writing and you know that the only way you’ll find your way out with exactly that! Well done! Keep it up!


  8. That last line is a dagger. I think you should expand on this, I’d be curious to read what the thoughts and conversations of a person-less somebody would be. Great piece.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m an older person still wandering through life and trying to find what I want to be when I grow up – we all know that I won’t ever “grow-up” because adulting is so boring. I try to enjoy what I find and hope that I will pass that way again because we’re constantly evolving as a person. You have the ability to put your feelings down by writing them very well and yes, I agree that you’re definitely an empath.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Especially when I am alone can it be hard. I think alone is the time our true selves can be explored most. I read a study recently—it is real—that people would rather voluntarily administer themselves an electric shock than be alone with only their thoughts to occupy themselves! I’ve been practicing with mindfulness meditation and getting to know myself in the present moment without getting lost in the past, future, or daydreams/delusions.


  11. Don’t worry about who you are. Think about what you really want — what you want to give, to receive, to do — and then you’ll become the person you most want to be.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. This hits very close to home. Uncertainty, confused over what direction to take, not sure of yourself… I feel this every day. The truth is you are not alone. There are others who feel the same way, and understand. Reach out if you ever need someone to talk to.

    Take care.


  13. Yet you do write. Maybe, as I do, when you are writing you wear a mask. Your mask. The mask you would have, the mask you would be. The character you would be. The yourself you would be.
    Maybe, as I do, that mask helps you to find yourself into your deep thoughts.
    Maybe, when you write, your eyes are not su much a lie …


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