Confined in Crowds

There’s a comfort in confinement that I can’t find here. The clock is ticking and my heart is beating slow. I can’t fathom the pain of its slow beats.

I’m failing to focus as my mind blurs out the voices. I’m always trying to catch up with sounds I can’t make sense of. I’m always trying to catch up with my mind knowing I’ll fail.

My voice is weary; still, it calls out my name. “Alyazya, don’t you go. Please just stay.” I haven’t held back so much before. I don’t know where I got this strength from. This strength is making me weak. All I do is go on and off of planes I don’t want to take. All they do is numb my mind, numb my heart, and make it a little harder for me to feel alive. I just want to feel alive.

Thoughts are irrelevant, emotions are a despair and living is a waste but you can’t leave a place you’ve never been to.

18 thoughts on “Confined in Crowds

  1. I hope this feeling is just a tunnel and that you make it to the other side. Sometimes it’s a fact of life to feel lonely in a crowd. I hope your reflections turn loneliness into a gentle solitude that is capable of comforting you. Xx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. To bare one’s inner thoughts in such a way is a sign of strength and courage, your prose comes from heart felt truth and therein lies it’s beauty and power.
    I feel you are gently sowing seeds, with your words, which will benefit yourself and others over time.

    Liked by 1 person

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