I’m searching …

Sharjah Art Museum, Habib Srour, Nu Académique (1885)

I’m searching through my days for something that can explain this feeling.
I’m looking to escape a world that has no end.

I don’t know what to do about time when it’s fleeting,
but I know I’ll die soon so why waste my time trying to pretend.

I question whether my heart is done healing.
I dream of living without needing to defend.

I wonder if they notice what my walls are shielding…
Do they see my soul gleaming,
or my love for life deepening?
Or do they look for old wounds?
Will they attack? Will it hurt?

On what will their vision depend?

I search through seconds but they escape me.
I search through the stars but they’re already dead.

I search for answers and my mind is cursing me, because I never trust myself.

I shouldn’t have to question this but I’m choosing to be blind.
I shouldn’t have to wonder…
I shouldn’t have to defend.

Love, Alyazya

28 thoughts on “I’m searching …

  1. “I search through seconds but they escape me.
    I search through the stars but they’re already dead.”

    So beautiful. I love the way you captured the feeling of uncertainty and that constant internal battle with our own minds.


    Liked by 4 people

  2. Thanks for noticing my blog. I am also a lover of poetry. Check out “Love After Love” by Derek Walcott. It’s one of the most healing poems I’ve ever run across. The Nobel Prize committee also liked his work.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You are certainly correct about searching. My wife and I are senior citizens and trying to do the proper thing relative to COVID-19. We feel like “shut-ins”. The only time we are really out is to go to the grocery store. I hate this situation, but really enjoy your post. You do a marvelous job. Great writing. B.


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